Hey, Barbecutie

Archive for the ‘fact’ Category

1. I have, through no one’s fault but my own, ended up with the theme to Animal Hospital in my head.

2. My life is going nowhere.

3. I am incredibly open to the possibility of someone massaging me vigorously on my back.

4. Animal Hospital.



And now, a look at the week that was:

Bitches be singing along to post-Franco era Spanish pop songs despite not speaking any Spanish.

Bitches be forgetting to buy Father’s Day cards.

Bitches be saying they’ll make you a mix CD and then not getting round to it, but also sometimes getting round to it, so bitches be not all bad.

Bitches be going to work despite being unwell.

Bitches be buying halloumi and not getting round to eating it, despite really really looking forward to eating the halloumi, but bitches have half a stir fry to finish before it goes out of date, and bitches also just made soup that bitches should either freeze or, I don’t know, something.

Bitches be registering for a GP after only 3 years in London, then subsequently making like eight appointments all the while apologising profusely.

Bitches be reading up on the “Paul McCartney died and was replaced” conspiracies until they sort of believe it, so bitches quickly stop and look up tortoise pictures instead.

Bitches be looking into career prospects by googling the phrase “teachng adult literacy” [sic] and then feeling that it may be a dead end.

Bitches be returning items to a shop then immediately going out and buying other items worth double the initial returned items because bitches be bad with their finances.

Bitches be writing verse form love poetry about boys who broke their heart and feeling slightly embarrassed about the fact.

Bitches be crazy…good at making salads.


image by Reena Makwana

This weekend sees the International Alternative Press Festival 2011 at Conway Hall, 25 Red Lion Square, WC1R 4RL, London Town, and Nest Gallery will be selling a number of zines and artworks tomorrow, Sunday 29th May, 10am-4pm.

I am very excited to be taking part with a sequel to my last zine (Wonderful Creatures And How To Kill Them) entitled More Amazing Creatures And Further Ways To Kill Them. The eagle-eyed amongst you will note that I forgot the name of my own zine when making the follow-up. Find out new ways to ensure the permanant annihilation of such critters as the Daddy Long Legs, the Hippopotamus and the Urban Fox. Get them before they get you.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE

The Nest table will also feature the beauteous work of some incredibly talented artists such as Anna Lincoln, Emily and Anne, Siobhan O’Brien, Rebecca Strickson, Bella Szyszkowska, Alice Marwick, Emily Howells and Reena Makwana.

Nest is an all-female collective of exciting artists (and the odd munchkin such as myself) and always has something unique and beautiful to share, so be a mensch and get yourselves down to see Nest and all the other exciting artists.

I had a voicemail from one of our IT team to fix my computer, and I was not looking forward to calling him back (basically know that he has a goatee). And also I hate phonecalls and answerphones because I’m one of those people. But I did and he was away, so I went begrudgingly left a voicemail. I explained I was returning his call and finished with what was meant to be “give me a call back” or “get back to me when you have a chance” but ended up saying “so, if you could just give me a chance…?”

He’s been very helpful ever since.

Today is Tuesday, when our beloved wordPLAY returns to the whiskey-soaked wonderment of the Good Ship for more wordsmithery, creation, larks and literary spectacle. Doors open at 7pm, show starts at 8pm, it’s £3 in and all proceeds go to Cancer Research UK. And the line-up is mind-bogglingly amazing. We worked very hard on it, and it has been really wonderful getting the opportunity to help organise another event. It would be really, really lovely to see you all there if possible. And afterwards I’ll lead you, Pied Piper-style, to the best chip shop in London.

Sunny Warrenpoint

I live in London but sporadically return to Northern Ireland, to the small town where I lived since birth. I once had an idea to write down every internal thought not related to an external event (i.e. one that was actually occurring in reality) over the course of a single day. Then I realised that it would mostly be me thinking about kissing. So I did this instead:

A bad place to get the giggles is when being frisked by airport security. It makes you look more suspicious and with an accent like mine, you can’t get much more suspicious. No, it is not appropriate to tell them that this is the most physical contact you’ve had with another human being in weeks.

Male body hair is inevitable, and mostly inoffensive, unless it takes the form of a hairshirt so intense that it peeks out a good inch above the collar of your t-shirt, and especially when I’m stuck behind you at close proximity in a queue for nearly half an hour. It was an unhappy occasion.

Heathrow crosses itself – the people coming from Ireland and the people going to Ireland cross paths, separated by glass partitions. We don’t look at each other. On one side, sepia pictures of London landmarks welcome the arrivals. Our side get the Irish counterparts, blurry, generic green fields and aged Celtic crosses. A bridge. Nothing so iconic as Nelson or Big Ben. But in a way that makes me even more ready to escape.
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For your reference…

The King’s Speech reigns supreme at Oscars – Daily Mail

Colin Firth takes Oscars crown – The Telegraph

Academy genuflects to King’s Speech – The Guardian

Oscars 2011: The King’s Speech reigns triumphant – The Guardian

The King’s Speech crowned with best picture – The Guardian

Oscar is the jewel in Colin’s crown – The Sun

Oscars 2011: The King’s Speech reigns – BBC News

Oscar results: Long live The King’s Speech – News of the World

‘King’s Speech’ Reigns – Huffington Post

‘King’s Speech’ makes lots of speeches at Oscars … – Los Angeles Times

Oscar crowns ‘King’s Speech’ – Chicago Daily Herald

ROYAL MINT! COLIN FIRTH NETS KING SPEECH’S RANSOM – Daily Star

‘King’ reigns over Oscar night – Philidelphia Inquirer

‘The King’s Speech’ Crowned Best Film – ABC News

The King’s Speech reigns at Oscars as Colin Firth wins best actor – Evening Standard

Reign of the King’s Speech – The Mirror

Coronation of Firth and ‘The Kings Speech’ at Oscars – The Independent

CROWNING GLORY FOR KING’S SPEECH – The Express